How to support a loved one with cancer

You may not always say and do the right thing, and that's okay.

Supporting a friend in a crisis has always been something that I feel comes naturally to me, but when a close friend was diagnosed with cancer, my confidence wavered.

I had always considered myself a good listener and a kind person with an encouraging truism and a warm embrace to offer, but now I didn't know what I could do to help, no matter how much I wanted to.

Psychotherapist Yuko Nippoda, spokesperson for the UK Psychotherapy Council, says it's normal for people to feel that way after a loved one's diagnosis.

Have your own support system

While a person may feel more comfortable offering support during other life struggles, supporting a loved one through cancer can be a challenge if they feel they can't relate to what their loved one is going through.

What's more, a cancer diagnosis can be devastating, not only for the person who received the diagnosis, but also for the people who support them. Often, those who are in a supportive position also find it difficult to accept it.

Nippoda says these feelings need to be managed if you want to be a reliable support for your loved one.

“To support others, it's very important that you get support yourself,” she explains. “Therefore, it is highly recommended that you attend a support group for caregivers and share your experience with others.”

If, for whatever reason, you don't have access to a support group, make sure you have someone to talk to regularly, Nippoda advises.

appear

“I'm here for you” is a topic often uttered when a loved one is struggling, but be sure to follow up on it.

Be physically present if your loved one is well enough to receive visitors and check back regularly with messages and calls, depending on what they prefer.

“Having cancer is a horrible experience and it's even worse when patients feel abandoned, isolated and alone. It's important for caregivers to show that they're always there,” Nippoda says.

In short, if you're saying you're going to be there, make sure you're there.

Avoid talking about death

If your loved one brings up the topic, it's important to talk about it. What's not useful? Mentioning a story about another person I knew who had cancer and died.

“This type of insensitivity can bring tremendous anxiety to a person with cancer,” Nippoda says.

Be honest

If you don't know what to say or how to help, be honest about it. Tell your loved one that you want to help, but that you don't know what to do right now, Nippoda says.

“When honesty comes from a positive place, it builds trust,” she says.

Be careful about what you share

A question that often comes up for loved ones is: Is it insensitive to talk about what's going on in my life, or is it a welcome distraction and a little relief for my loved one?

“Caregivers have their own lives and may want to share them with the person with cancer,” Nippoda says. “This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it's important that they don't feel abandoned or excluded because they're being told too much about the caregiver's life.”

If you feel like your friend or loved one isn't interested in hearing about that baby shower you had to miss, drop it off and talk about something you and your loved one can share.

Allow your loved one to feel what they are feeling

Living with cancer can be an emotional rollercoaster ride.

It can be tempting to encourage your loved one to be positive about “beating” cancer, but the cancer experience isn't a positive one. Instead, encourage your loved one to be in touch with their feelings, suggests Nippoda.

“It's important to tell them that it's okay to feel depressed because they're going through a difficult time,” he says.

Bring a little laugh

One really positive way you can help is to bring laughter into your loved one's life.

“Cancer patients can easily feel depressed and their energy level can be very low,” Nippoda says. “Laughter is a good tool for raising energy levels. It's important that cancer patients can have happy moments.”

The bottom line

Knowing how to support a loved one through cancer can seem like an overwhelming challenge, and it's a task you certainly want to do well and do your best.

You may not always say and do the right thing, but simply knowing that you're there and that you want to do everything you can to help can be a great support for someone with cancer.

Source: www.healthline.com